I am set free.

This morning I found myself getting so frustrated.

Same dishes.
Same laundry.
Same pick up.
Same Vacuuming.
Same dinner making.

I seriously almost started crying.

Then I said out loud " I need some worship time"

So I turned on the Worship station I listen to on Pandora... Here are some words that stuck out..

Grateful.
grace.
Set free.
Freedom.
Lord.

I chose to be a stay at home mom.
Our budget is tight but the Lord provides what we need.
I found myself saying LOVE this time. Love that I can take care of my home .. that I can rock lils to sleep and can actually take care of her diaper rash without worrying if someone else is doing it...

In all I do I will Praise Him.


 

Our hearts

So I have always had in my heart a desire to help youth.. and now being a mom it has been on my heart even more.. like daily.

Carl and I have been discussing fostering a child. Not just this last week or last month but since say our 3rd date. I have always been upfront with him on this and telling him someday it is my desire.. and thank the Lord it was also written on his heart.
Every time we mention it to someone people throw red flags at us.. and we get it. There is a lot to consider and be cautious of. Im nervous people will be nervous for us. Or scared of our family .. cause to be honest people are scared or fearful of foster children... at least most that I have come into contact with. I am not going to lie either I am nervous. WE are nervous. We also feel this is something that has been put on our hearts..
First things first.. we need to seek out advice on this from people who have been there.. people who can give us in-site. We also need to pray pray and pray about this. Then pray some more.  We both want to do it .. so bad. We also both want to do the Lords will. So with caution ... and with that said we have started the process of looking into becoming foster parents.

There the cat is out of the bag :)  kind of.

Spiritual maturity and shit.

Yes, the title kind of contradicts itself.
But I guess this is just how I feel.
It is so freaking hard to grow in Christ.
Especially with so much that is happening...

If you do not know Carl and I have been the victim of a lot of crime and theft as of late. Were doing okay. Trying to figure it all out.. lots of paperwork and waiting. waiting.
Im so frustrated with people who take what belongs to others.
I try to have a good attitude about it... but Im just mad ..

Lately I have just been getting through every day.
Just making it to the end of the day is just success for me!

I caught up on my WEB bible study and that is going good. I sometimes wish it was more social of a bible study .. I feel we just go in answer questions then leave. BUT I kind of had a feeling it would be that way.. and I am learning a lot :)

I am also starting the second book in my Wednesday group. Guess what its a beth Moore book!
I KNOW .. I am trying to look past the big hair and texas background .. Someone mentioned to me .. "well you like joyce meyer" so I guess Ill give Beth Moore a chance!
So far so good!

Carl has been working tons. Such a hard worker.
I do miss him on Sundays though. I despise going to church by myself.
I am trying a church in shelton with a couple of my mom friends and I am going to make myself try it for a month! and really see if I like the preaching and worship and if Carl likes it too.

I guess I have just been really feeling the tug from God ... "Sue its time to grow up now" and I guess I am just dragging my feet.. but I also long for it too...
I really want people to see or know me and be like yeah she is a christian.. for so long I was not living my life that way..
But then I know that means having to face my hatred of "the church" and " the followers" and I do not want to face that cause 99.9% of that based hatred it false.. or not false just stupid.

Anyhoo.
The Lord has been answering my prayers lately for new friends :) mom friends especially..
I have really enjoyed mops!
I met a girl named angie there and seriously am so blessed by her! So glad I went to mops this year!

Anyhoo that is me as of late.. Lils is 16 pounds at her check up today!
small...
but Healthy :)

Issues with Hope

 I have been having issues with "Hope" lately. I have been watching some people abuse it. It is just ruining the whole idea of hope for me. Sometimes I find myself screaming JUST GIVE UP ALREADY! Sometimes I find myself saying "aw.. OH honey..." (HIMYM Reference)  I do not ever want to give up on hope... But at the same time there is a time for everything. Maybe its just not that time for what you want... Oh and a lot of time I find us hoping for a "want" not a need and that alone is annoying.
Reason for venting : Just been a little everywhere lately.. what do they say " spread thin"
On a more enlightening note.. Carl and I have been doing pretty good with our resolutions. We have downloaded a couple bible reading programs and have been doing them at night. Were on an obedience one and we just finished a love and marriage one. Lilly is not crawling and pulling herself up on everything. I sometimes feel like a human jungle gym.
We have also been doing good on our eating. Always could be doing better!
We are not sure about the cruise now.. which is frustrating...We just want to make the right choices with our money.. but at the same time want to invest in our marriage and make time for us.. We go on a date night once a month.. sheesh. Lils is getting older though so that may change with time! She is less than 3 months away from being 1 year!

Christmas

This year went by so fast.
Okay some of it was unbearably slow.
Yet overall FAST!

Here are some family moments from christmas. This year we did not capture to much of the holidays.
maybe more next year!

maybnext year!

My Family is crazy. Crazy fun :)

I think we are all rebooting this first week of January .. just so much happened and was going on.
What a good first Christmas for lils though!
Super Fun!

Nursing

SO this month has been rough for nursing.
Lils rarely does a good feed.

I think by the end of january she will be completely done nursing.
I have mixed feelings....
I am frustrated that I did not do the whole first year like I wanted to...
At the same time I am proud of myself for doing 9 months!
Saves us a lot of money! and she will be done with formula soon!

Im just annoyed already with the mommy crowd.
ALL the MUST breast feed at all times crowd.
I've already gotten people who have prayed over my breast.
Yeah
I just say nothing. smile awkwardly
Im used to the random people now that feel they need to pray for me and my life (wether I pray along or not)  

So to those mom who think I have failed.
I have not.

I am happy I did get to nurse as long as I did! Its weird ... I am almost done nursing my first child. eek. weird.