Discouragement and Joy

Christmas was good.
God is good.
Lils was adorable.
Carl got a new sounders sweatshirt and I got a new bible and some books.


I was in church today and the worship was good. Like joyful good!
It may have been the coffee in me.. BUT I wanted to clap and shout!
The Lord has brought us through another year! Woot!
Yet.. I found myself holding back .. wether it was the peer pressure around me not to embarrass anyone or the "what will people think" voice coming up within me. (I hate that voice..steals us of such joy)
I looked around.. maybe people had joy in their hearts or maybe I am just way out there.. ( that is probably the answer) but we were singing songs of praise and yet everyone around me was somber.. and no one was smiling or anything...
Where has the Joy gone in church..
Where has the Joy gone in the Lord and what he has done for us.
I get it.. Im usually the down one.. I usually am the first one to be negative. It just got to me today.. SMILE! BE JOYFUL! SING LOUD! CLAP YOUR HANDS!
For the Lord is good.
Thank goodness the rocks will sing...

So with the new year carl and I are trying Fat Sick and Nearly Dead.. I KNOW yet another diet or sue trying to get healthy..
EH well ... At least we are doing something. Or trying. Or eh. Whenever I talk to anyone about this ... Its hard. Cause I get discouraged by comments people make.
I am just screaming in my head " DO YOU .. wait... CAN YOU say anything positive at all?"
So I am debating wether to blog about our experience ... I want to :) I guess I have to take my own advice and just find the JOY in things even when some are negative.

To be blatantly honest its been hard lately for me.
To get out of the house and do things.
Not a lot of mommy friends and not a lot of friends that want to hangout with babies.
Its kind of discouraging sometimes.
Everyone has their own lives and such.. I get that. Just wish Carl and I got out more to do things. We are just so tired at the end of the day. Or everyone has already made plans.
Maybe that can be a new year goal. To get out and socialize .. and with positive people .. people who are up lifting. Then maybe it will rub off on me ;)

Carl is watching the game today .
I am going to go to urraco and catch up on my web bible study and make some goals for the new year.
Maybe Ill blog about our goals.
Maybe I shouldn't... could be depressing if not achieved hahaha
AH! there is the negativeness that is drowning my life. MUST stay positive.

To Cruise or not to Cruise?

SO Carl and I really are getting the Vacation Itch.. and before we have more kids we really want another get away..

I have always felt that couples should really do this.. It does not NEED to be a cruise just a get away.. a get away for just you two.

SO important to me.
Our first year of marriage was rough. Not rough as in bad .. but rough as in .. Married. pregnant. One budget.Buying house. baby.
AND were still married! woot woot!
A lot of those things can really cause stress on a marriage and yet by the Grace of God Carl and I have gotten through.. and wanting to get through more together!

So we are thinking this next winter when lils is about 2 years well close to that we will go on a three day cruise down by mexico.
Im worried about leaving lils with someone.. But carl's sister is wonderful with her and so is Hanna Tweed.. so we were thinking of just having them house sit and take care of lils. :)
This is SO up in the air I am just really excited cause it was Carl's idea!
SERIOUSLY!
yay! so my choice is obviously to Cruise! but we shall see if all the ducks line up! :) Hoping!

Santa and Baking and Decorating

8 days till Christmas!
WOOT
Also so much to do! I still have some wrapping a couple gifts to get.. sheesh
I am never ever this behind in Christmas to do stuff!
Anyhoo we took lils to see santa.. she did wonderful with him! no crying and loved it!
I also did some baking cause I have not made christmas cookies this year.. and I still have not made fudge..
Just try and guess what my new years resolution shall be haha
I also finally finished my advent calendar so I am excited to show you!

Thoughts

This is the idea I was talking about! Cute huh? I still have presents to wrap.. and I still have Carl to shop for! Sheesh and its just weeks away.

Quite frankly a lot is on my mind. Im sure you have all heard about the shooting.. I haven't cried over news since 9/11

I was heartbroken.

It made me think about wether I wanted my kids in public school. (naturally)
Some really went off the deep end when I mentioned that.
BUT of course since I have been contemplating homeschooling or at least knew it was an option...That is going to go through my head.. ( which is mostly no to it )

People said I was living in fear and I also am going to shelter my kids. ( made me angry cause that is so far from who I am..from who carl is )

Carl hated homeschooling.
He felt he was sheltered and did not grow up with good social skills.
I agree. There are tons of homeschooling people who shelter the crap out of their kids... this is not what I want and would not be the reason for me homeschooling... But I do get why they are fearful and why some for that reason do homeschool. Also tons do it for the right reasons and not cause of fear.

But today I am sure a lot of homeschooling families were thankful for their choice. (sadly)

The thing that is annoying was that it was not what I wanted to talk about (at all) and yet I found myself talking about it.
That is not the issue . People were so concerned about my choices and my decisions for my child and schooling..
I was thinking why are you not grieving but addressing my family choices?
OKAY I AM DONE
Just sad.
Today is sad.
Yes I am scared.
I know Because of Jesus I do not need to fear. But Its hard not too.
I love Corrie Ten Boom.
I know random I just do .

Christmas time.. salvation and sacrifice

John Piper reads "The Inn-Keeper"

Click on the link for a video that is worth the 11minutes :) so good. Really brings the meaning of Christmas to heart.

Life as I know it!

So Wednesday nights I have a moms group I go to. I have actually stuck with it! I really enjoy the ladies and the reading and quite frankly the brownies. We are wrapping up our first book :) The mission of Motherhood. I really liked the book, the author was a bit intense at points and she seemed a little OCD but I really enjoyed it.. Guess what I stuck with it! That and MOPS! which may I say I am SO thankful for! Met some really cool ladies there! BUT I did not stick with W.E.B. very well.. My goal is to catch up on the bible study and get back involved cause I also really enjoyed the ladies there! 

 Here is a pic of what my Wednesday nights usually look like :) The next book we are starting is a Beth Moore book so I am excited to re experience her writing ..

And of course .. I was going through pictures and I came across this one.. I am in love with this photo. I could not be more thankful for such a great husband and dad for lilly. she was 3 months here .. and is about 8 and a half months now. I can not believe how much she has grown..

I love Christmas and wrapping is one of my fav things to do .. I know! crazy.. but this is what I am doing this year Except it does not show the photos I am putting on each one :) I am putting a photos of each person on their own present. :) thought it was a cute idea I found from Pinterest! and it kind of suits carl and I. ANyhoo! Merry Christmas!

Better late than never

SO I am just not getting around to making my advent calendar! A few post back I posted what it is going to look like here is my first step!

And the little items I am using that will be added to the chicken wire. The gingerbread man will be the item lils moves each day :)

AND we got lils some new leg warmers! here is one of the pairs .. I just adore her in these!

Photography becoming a real love

Today I shot this couple .
From about 10-1:30 I learned about my camera and light room 4. I was a bit overwhelmed. Not in a bad way..just a I want to photograph a lot of people and edit the crap out of the pictures :) BUT I do not really have time laying around waiting for me to use up. SO overwhelmed in the sense that I just learned a whole bunch that I want to put to use!

I can tell my idea or .. vision for how I want my photography to be is forming..
I am tempted just to do black and white.. my love for black and white photography is endless. But now with this new editing program I can finding a love for color photography also!

Anyhoo . I really want to learn more and spend endless hours on this new hobby of mine.. So when I can I am going to find as much time as possible :)

Christmas

Been On my mind a lot lately.. How can I make Christmas .. about Christ.
Not about things.

I know a lot of people say " keep Christ in Christmas" with shaking fist.
all angry about buying gifts for people and the comericalism of it all.

I get that. But lets not be scroogy.

Nonetheless ( coolest word ever )

Christ is the reason for the season. (cringing using that saying) it is truth though.

SO how can we with a 8 month old keep Christ at the center.
Someone said lils wont remember this Christmas so who cares...
Guess what? I do!

How can I show lils love? Carl Love? Christ's love.

Maybe instead of thinking of giving gifts as such a burden or such.. we can see it as like showing love to others ...

Jesus was a gift to us...
Jesus is love
So giving ...is love..

That is as far as my theology goes. ( I can not stand theology separates people instead of bringing them together)

ANYHOO I know random thoughts. Just been on my mind a lot lately how much we need keep Jesus the center of our lives not only all the time but especially now when the hustle and bustle of the season begins.

Advent Calendar

Guess who is getting crafty! 

Attempting to make OUR OWN advent Calendar! 

WHAT ! 

I know exciting! 

Thanks and light room and more thanks

SO here I sit listening to Carl read aloud Horton hears a who to lils in the bath.
Several things.

I feel so old today.
On thanksgiving I biffed it hard at the chases. I KNEW I should have just stayed in bed! ;) Im still paying for it. I landed on my right arm. and I still can not lift it over my head and yes it is still throbbing.

Moving on. I refuse to talk about things that make me feel old for too long.

We have the treadmill!
Have yet to get on it.
due to Turkey day coma.
BUT hence this shall change!

Thanksgiving was really good.
As of late my sisters and I have been getting a long really really well!
Its really made the holidays wonderful.
I was thinking a lot about it today.
I think it has a lot to due with me growing up a lot this last year. AND none of us are pregnant anymore. ;)
I am super thankful for this. super. thankful.

Carl bought me a early christmas present.
Adobe Photoshop Light room 4
I am so excited to learn! GEEK!

Last night Lils slept awful. I was up with her till about 1:30 am then again at 5.
Thankful for the break today though. Carls little sister took lils while he was at work. I slept and caught up on Downtown abby! Goodness I am a sucker for that show.

Trying to book some play dates this week and christmasy stuff like zoo lights.
Who wants to go to zoo Lights?

Emotions running everywhere

BLAH!
Sometimes I really dislike being a woman.

Emotions suck.

But.. Its even worse for me... I feel things 10x what others do.
And I show it.
Its a curse.

I should not be stressed. I find myself stressed.

BUT
We are picking up a treadmill today! One of the ways we are revamping our healthiness in our family! Hoping it will help with this seasonal moodiness.

Trying to remember things to be thankful for and to enjoy time with family :)
Glad were just going to one house this thanksgiving. I like to enjoy the holidays instead of feeling rushed and overwhelmed.

Cousins

I am so thankful that these three are so close in age! Going to make for some fun play dates! Crazy!

Mornings and new toys

 My friend kori gave lilly this penguin. It never falls down. Hence ..endless entertainment.

I am really REALLY enjoying this book :) 4 chapters left!

Health

I am going to be blunt.
My health has been better.

Im frustrated by the weather.
I WAS exercising better when the weather was good and I could walk for a couple hours outside.
So I am in a stand still.
Trying to eat healthy while going through the holiday season is probably one of the hardest things ever.. SO What do I do
I need to re-amp
I need to prioritize.
I really miss being sore.

Im really discouraged today cause I realize I have quit a lot of my fall activities.
Blast.
I am stil going to mops though and my motherhood book group Both of which I love

I love Washington so much. During this season It sure is a Love hate relationship though.

How the heck do I get back on board. ( shaking fist in the air )

If it is really worth it to you .. you will make time... if it is not you will make excuses.

Blast.

Hold your head high, Heavy heart.

This is not a sad post.
This is a weighted post.

This morning I woke with a heavy heart. More than usual.
I have always been one to over feel. One to over think.
Can I easily hide what I am thinking? or can I easily close my mouth when I feel words need to be said.

These things that attribute to who I really am have also attributed to my downfall.

I have lately ( with the election ) really been trying to find out where I stand on issues.
In the past I have spoken with such confidence in matters that I know nothing about. I never wrestled with why I belief this or that. I usually landed where my parents taught me. To this day I still do on a lot of matters.

But
My heart has be tackling matters of just heaviness.
( Darn you election ) #onlyeveryfouryears

I am thankful for the Lord who is so graceful in my human thinking and how I work through things and come to conclusions.
I do not know the all the "right" answers.
He does.
So thankful that I can openly talk to him about my conflicted mind and heavy heart.
{Praise}

Baking and puzzles

 I made a delicious Pumpkin cheesecake recipe ( hana did most of it ) it was lis nap time :)

 Carl teaching lils the piano :)

 We are into puzzles right now.. it seems every year at this time we take out our puzzles

I just LOVE this picture

stuck.

Need curtain Ideas ... where to buy what color .. where to get the rod... I am so frazzled by the size of our windows.. I might need a someone to really walk me through doing this.. Ideas?

Choosing to be Joyful

Today I am choosing to be Joyful even when sadness lingers. I have so much to be thankful for and I feel so blessed. I forget sometimes.. With Christ we have no condemnation and we have instead salvation and grace. I have been growing up. Finally. @27. I still have much to learn and mature in. I never think I will fully understand everything.
I  found myself really sad and just heart broken after the election.
Granted I have never been a fan of Mitt. Ever.
But republicans everywhere lost ...
Carl and I laid in bed that night after the elections and just prayed for our country.
I have to remember this world is not our home.
That we are and will be with Jesus.
I have found that I have to remember that my heart and my life belong to Jesus Christ. That sometimes I get caught up in the world. We must remember the word. Cling to it really. Things are changing all around us but Jesus never changes.
Even though hope is sometimes really hard to find we must Fight to find it.

New Cameras!

We recently have been able to purchase ( with insurance money ) A new camera body and 2 lenses so now we have a total of 2 cameras and 3 lenses! What a blessing!
We are still looking at purchasing a flash and possibly so photography workshops! If we can budget that in :) I am hoping!

I got to spend some time recently with a close friend and her son and tried out the camera! I KNOW amazing huh!
Were excited to get to start booking some more photo-shoots!

Lils is now 7 months old! People always say " they grow up so fast" I did not believe that with the endless nights and long days of adjusting to being a stay at home mom. Now though, yes... I do believe it !

One Month

7 Months! 

GInger snap inspired

Such goodness can come from a cookie.
Why yes.
I had a few gals over for pumpkin carving and Beef stew/ ginger snaps.

Yes, I am a HUGE fan of ron paul and Carl is a little nerdy :) But aren't these just fun!
Just to get the fall celebration out of me cause come this Thursday ... wait for it...
CHRISTMAS
Say what?
Its just november?
What about thanksgiving?
Putting up the tree is not going to halt thanksgiving so no need to worry!
We just have decided Christmas is better 2 months rather than just one.
This year we are doing Thanksgiving with my side of the family and we are really excited. Carl and I love watching lils interact with her cousins! SO precious.

Heart change

God can change you.
God can work a new in your heart.
God can show you how to forgive or how to get over pride.
God can soften your heart.
God came to save you.

Words I used to read but never believe or just hope was true.
As of late though I have found them to be more and more believable. I have found them starting to become the truth in which I TRY to live my days by.

I really feel God is working on my heart on a lot of issues that I have stuffed away.. or have naively flaunted with such vulgar confidence.

I think not only with the health issues that have arisen but how to honor my husband not only outside our door but inside our home. How to be a Godly mother. How to live a gospel centered life. How to be a loving daughter. How to be a good Aunt. How to be a supportive sister. SO many things.

Health update. I blame the weather BUT alas I have so slacked off. I wish I had a gym membership but I am not sure if that would make to much of a difference.
Were still doing good.
Just not what we OR I was doing prior to the weather turning to Crap...
But this is still a priority in my heart.
AND things that are really important to you..you WILL make time for if not you will make excuses for...

I need to make time and not just talk about it.

( BUT really ..blast to all the weather and fall-ish food and desserts)

Life is good.
Still practicing Thankfulness.

Why I love Photography.

 Capturing moments that should last a lifetime.

Thankfulness

When ever I start to get down... ( Seriously this weather is just draining all the light out of me )
I am trying a new thing.. Trying as in ..dragging my feet and clinging to the ground while screaming.
What is it?
Thankfulness.
Salvation. ( more like in awe )
I am thankful for a wonderful husband...
SO loving and caring and such a hard worker!
I am thankful for a healthy daughter.
Thankful for sisters.
Thankful for my parents that love each other!
Thankful for Carls job.
I am thankful for our home.
I am thankful for cars even when they do break down.
Random thankfulness is as follows:
Warm bed.
Christmas music.
Cuddling with Carl on Wednesday nights with carl watching Modern Family ( thats now our "date night" ) haha.
Thankful for hot coco.
Thankful for reading time when I do get it.
Johnny cash's voice
Worship music... I mean good music.
Cuddle time with lils
WHY am I writing this all out?
Cause sometimes I forget. like today. I just get overwhelmed with negativity and just get consumed with just blah thoughts and or anxiety.
 I have been driving to olympia a lot lately and with carl commute to olympia 5-6 days a week and then seeing his family every once in a while .. the gas is just draining us SO
We have decided to look for a church in Shelton.. I am still going to go to WEB every other tuesday but we have to start cutting somewhere... Here is the thing though.. Church hunting by yourself is down right depressing! I just do not know what to do .. cause going to church at night is just pushing lillys bed time and carl is exhausted after work. Maybe we will just do "church" at home till lils is older.   I am really looking forward to the " why are you not going to church? " "how are you growing in the Lord if you are not going to church?" questions.. so excited .. n.o.t.
Overall lets just say in order to get through this drab weather .. lets be thankful. Lets be grateful. Above all let us in some way.. even small way.. find joy! I know .. Sue is being positive. Weird. and no I have not had wine today.

Who knew a pumpkin patch could be so much fun!

I went with a friend of mine and her little ones. :) We had a very good time! I loved it. I can say this is my first official outing with lils. By outing I mean Kid function. I really enjoyed it. I think one reason why is cause lils is really showing emotions and reactions to things now :) I really love watching her grow in her personality! So freaking adorable.

Getting creative with a 6 month old

I pushed myself to join some events and programs just so I get out in fall ( downpour of rain ) weather. *Calvary WEB bible study
*Mops
*Church on Sundays
* Mission of Motherhood study

I am enjoying this activities.

BUT I think I really took advantage of the nice weather this fall and I really miss walking outdoors with lilly and doing outdoor things. I am trying to make new mommy friends so I can get out and do things.. cause frankly days at home.. ALL day are just really starting to wear on my " am I a human or just a robot covered in spit up" instincts.

SO today going to the mall with just lilly and I.
Should be interesting.
I am trying to find things for lilly and I to do on these days. So If you have any ideas !!! pass them my way! :)
Besides that enjoy your fall days! We made Vegetable soup yesterday in the crock pot and Loved it!

Weigh in and frustration +motivation

So I have gained back 2 pounds so the total loss is only 5. I am so frusterated. I keep hearing myself say .. well you were sick then lilly got sick. BUT that is no excuse. This is supposed to be a lifestyle change. At the same time I have to remember that I can not get to down on myself and I have to just keep pressing on! So with that said It is gorgeous out and as soon as lils wakes up we are going on a long walk. I do know where and what I did wrong so I know what to fix!

MUST KEEP GOING!
encouragement. encouragement. encouragement.

The rain

The rain is making Carl and I want comfort food...
SO we have written out a pledge to help us with this issue.
We are as of October 15th
No longer Purchasing or consuming Ready to eat foods.
Including but not limited to
*Fast food
* Heat and eat foods
*Instant foods IE:Ramen
We have made exceptions for the following:
*Birthdays
* The sister christmas outing
*Anniversaries
* Coffee at church
FOR ONE YEAR.

On a lighter note I just purchased the following :) I would first like to explain that I was in real need of a good coat. I have only a sweater. Carl actually really supported this purchase cause he knows I have been needing this for a while and we both know it will last :) SO excited for this to come in the mail!

A quick visit

Not sure if it is the weather change BUT I was just itching to get out and about today :) Lils and I went and had a little visit with Isaac and Brooklyn <3

Fall. music. coffee. LOVE.

Spotify  Has been a life saver for me.
With budgeting I have to cut out new music purchases.
BUT with Spotify I can listen to full CDs of Artist I love.
If you click on the link above it will send you to one of my all time favorite artist. Especially during the fall. If you do not have spotify it will also give you the option to download it. Its free. :)

The presidential debates. I have been paying more attention to as of late. Can not believe we will have a new president. or an old. one. My choice.
Obama
and
Ryan
Can we get rid of Mitt and Biden?
:)

A little Photo op.

With fall comes colds and Hot coco.

The mornings have been darker and colder and the nice weather I am afraid is leaving us. I can not seem to complain though for I feel we have had the best september and october a resident of Washington could ask for.
I have been fighting a cold/ stomach thing this week. I hate saying I am sick cause it seems like I am always fighting something off. Today Carl's family took lilly for 5 hours while carl was at work so that I could sleep and rest. I slept for 3 hours then laid in bed catching up on shows and cuddling with dobby and hot coco. I know I should be drinking tea. BUT coco has just been calling to me as of late. I blame the weather.

Lately I have been clinging to God for hope. Just to get through the day. I know I am blessed and I am SO thankful. Days can be hard nonetheless. I have hardly any friends that have babies. I am pushing myself to make some "mommy friends". So we shall see.

Today was the weigh in a I decided to skip this week due to being sick, we are allowed to skip one weigh in. I will weigh in next week. I can say this though. As of late making exercising a part of my daily life and eating right.. has lead to less tears less dark days and less gloom. I am also trying to do daily praises and thankfulness. One can not be so gloom when practicing thankfulness.

Excited for the following: The holiday with my family, especially since it is our first holiday with our little girl.. what a blessing she is. I love my nephews so much and my new niece and I can not wait to see them get excited about Christmas trees and candy canes and snow.
Staying on the healthy path. Slowly but Confident and with much grace this is going to be amazing. Carl and I are going to find time to go see the new movie Argo. I am a huge movie girl .. and I love GOOD movies.. just ones that you can escape in and just ones that fill your heart with so many emotions it could explode. <3

Thanks for reading. :) May you have a wonderful and adventurous day.

New music to me is like fresh air

The Avett Brothers
Mumford and sons

Both have new Cd's out. You can thank me later.

6 months

A heavy heart

So much has been on my heart lately
~Carl and I having time to work on our marriage
~What lilly will learn from us and how she will grow up
~ Getting involved in church
~ Weight loss/ getting healthy
~ Gay marriage
~Having authentic and truly meaningful friendships
~ The church an its role in our lives and the future of it in this ever changing culture.
~ Building a family ( yes, a second child) NOT for a while!
~ Fully devoting my heart and mind to being a mother
Just random things I know. The Lord for so long was silent in my life... There could be many reasons for that. Many of which are probably due to not listening on my part or the tons of walls I have built up.   I am not sure if its cause Lilly has come into our lives or that we are so dependent on the Lord as of late but Carl and I have really been seeking the Lord in our future.. and in our just here and now. When I say heavy heart is not a heart of burdens or sadness. Just heavy.
NOW that is off my shoulders here is an article that after reading I just started bawling! I fully LOVE this article and encourage you to read it!= Amazingness  I have taken one picture of Lilly and I since she was born ... ONE ... So this article really got to me .. I need to take more photos of her and I together!
Hope everyones week is going well!
I have lost a total of 6 and a half pounds and am planning on continuing this weight loss/ get healthy journey for a year! SO here goes not nothing but EVERYTHING! :)

Weigh in!

This week I lost again! so that is a win ! It was only a Pound and a half BUT I must keep at it!

Attempting to make a home

                                                           New curtains thanks to Cindy

                                                              Cloth diapering like a pro

                                                                   More curtians

                                           Our half wall .. one of my fav things of our house

                                                                   Our little corner

                          We used a pallet to hold some of my books and pictures Not sure if I like it yet

                                                      Our front door corner coming along

Morning Coffee

Every once in a while my parents come over for some fresh coffee. I really enjoy these mornings with them. Just some good one on one time with lilly and discussing new shows and movies and music with my Dad. Lilly is napping right now and then we are heading out for a long walk. Hope everyones day is wonderful!