Spiritual maturity and shit.

Yes, the title kind of contradicts itself.
But I guess this is just how I feel.
It is so freaking hard to grow in Christ.
Especially with so much that is happening...

If you do not know Carl and I have been the victim of a lot of crime and theft as of late. Were doing okay. Trying to figure it all out.. lots of paperwork and waiting. waiting.
Im so frustrated with people who take what belongs to others.
I try to have a good attitude about it... but Im just mad ..

Lately I have just been getting through every day.
Just making it to the end of the day is just success for me!

I caught up on my WEB bible study and that is going good. I sometimes wish it was more social of a bible study .. I feel we just go in answer questions then leave. BUT I kind of had a feeling it would be that way.. and I am learning a lot :)

I am also starting the second book in my Wednesday group. Guess what its a beth Moore book!
I KNOW .. I am trying to look past the big hair and texas background .. Someone mentioned to me .. "well you like joyce meyer" so I guess Ill give Beth Moore a chance!
So far so good!

Carl has been working tons. Such a hard worker.
I do miss him on Sundays though. I despise going to church by myself.
I am trying a church in shelton with a couple of my mom friends and I am going to make myself try it for a month! and really see if I like the preaching and worship and if Carl likes it too.

I guess I have just been really feeling the tug from God ... "Sue its time to grow up now" and I guess I am just dragging my feet.. but I also long for it too...
I really want people to see or know me and be like yeah she is a christian.. for so long I was not living my life that way..
But then I know that means having to face my hatred of "the church" and " the followers" and I do not want to face that cause 99.9% of that based hatred it false.. or not false just stupid.

Anyhoo.
The Lord has been answering my prayers lately for new friends :) mom friends especially..
I have really enjoyed mops!
I met a girl named angie there and seriously am so blessed by her! So glad I went to mops this year!

Anyhoo that is me as of late.. Lils is 16 pounds at her check up today!
small...
but Healthy :)

Issues with Hope

 I have been having issues with "Hope" lately. I have been watching some people abuse it. It is just ruining the whole idea of hope for me. Sometimes I find myself screaming JUST GIVE UP ALREADY! Sometimes I find myself saying "aw.. OH honey..." (HIMYM Reference)  I do not ever want to give up on hope... But at the same time there is a time for everything. Maybe its just not that time for what you want... Oh and a lot of time I find us hoping for a "want" not a need and that alone is annoying.
Reason for venting : Just been a little everywhere lately.. what do they say " spread thin"
On a more enlightening note.. Carl and I have been doing pretty good with our resolutions. We have downloaded a couple bible reading programs and have been doing them at night. Were on an obedience one and we just finished a love and marriage one. Lilly is not crawling and pulling herself up on everything. I sometimes feel like a human jungle gym.
We have also been doing good on our eating. Always could be doing better!
We are not sure about the cruise now.. which is frustrating...We just want to make the right choices with our money.. but at the same time want to invest in our marriage and make time for us.. We go on a date night once a month.. sheesh. Lils is getting older though so that may change with time! She is less than 3 months away from being 1 year!

Christmas

This year went by so fast.
Okay some of it was unbearably slow.
Yet overall FAST!

Here are some family moments from christmas. This year we did not capture to much of the holidays.
maybe more next year!

maybnext year!

My Family is crazy. Crazy fun :)

I think we are all rebooting this first week of January .. just so much happened and was going on.
What a good first Christmas for lils though!
Super Fun!

Nursing

SO this month has been rough for nursing.
Lils rarely does a good feed.

I think by the end of january she will be completely done nursing.
I have mixed feelings....
I am frustrated that I did not do the whole first year like I wanted to...
At the same time I am proud of myself for doing 9 months!
Saves us a lot of money! and she will be done with formula soon!

Im just annoyed already with the mommy crowd.
ALL the MUST breast feed at all times crowd.
I've already gotten people who have prayed over my breast.
Yeah
I just say nothing. smile awkwardly
Im used to the random people now that feel they need to pray for me and my life (wether I pray along or not)  

So to those mom who think I have failed.
I have not.

I am happy I did get to nurse as long as I did! Its weird ... I am almost done nursing my first child. eek. weird.

Discouragement and Joy

Christmas was good.
God is good.
Lils was adorable.
Carl got a new sounders sweatshirt and I got a new bible and some books.


I was in church today and the worship was good. Like joyful good!
It may have been the coffee in me.. BUT I wanted to clap and shout!
The Lord has brought us through another year! Woot!
Yet.. I found myself holding back .. wether it was the peer pressure around me not to embarrass anyone or the "what will people think" voice coming up within me. (I hate that voice..steals us of such joy)
I looked around.. maybe people had joy in their hearts or maybe I am just way out there.. ( that is probably the answer) but we were singing songs of praise and yet everyone around me was somber.. and no one was smiling or anything...
Where has the Joy gone in church..
Where has the Joy gone in the Lord and what he has done for us.
I get it.. Im usually the down one.. I usually am the first one to be negative. It just got to me today.. SMILE! BE JOYFUL! SING LOUD! CLAP YOUR HANDS!
For the Lord is good.
Thank goodness the rocks will sing...

So with the new year carl and I are trying Fat Sick and Nearly Dead.. I KNOW yet another diet or sue trying to get healthy..
EH well ... At least we are doing something. Or trying. Or eh. Whenever I talk to anyone about this ... Its hard. Cause I get discouraged by comments people make.
I am just screaming in my head " DO YOU .. wait... CAN YOU say anything positive at all?"
So I am debating wether to blog about our experience ... I want to :) I guess I have to take my own advice and just find the JOY in things even when some are negative.

To be blatantly honest its been hard lately for me.
To get out of the house and do things.
Not a lot of mommy friends and not a lot of friends that want to hangout with babies.
Its kind of discouraging sometimes.
Everyone has their own lives and such.. I get that. Just wish Carl and I got out more to do things. We are just so tired at the end of the day. Or everyone has already made plans.
Maybe that can be a new year goal. To get out and socialize .. and with positive people .. people who are up lifting. Then maybe it will rub off on me ;)

Carl is watching the game today .
I am going to go to urraco and catch up on my web bible study and make some goals for the new year.
Maybe Ill blog about our goals.
Maybe I shouldn't... could be depressing if not achieved hahaha
AH! there is the negativeness that is drowning my life. MUST stay positive.

To Cruise or not to Cruise?

SO Carl and I really are getting the Vacation Itch.. and before we have more kids we really want another get away..

I have always felt that couples should really do this.. It does not NEED to be a cruise just a get away.. a get away for just you two.

SO important to me.
Our first year of marriage was rough. Not rough as in bad .. but rough as in .. Married. pregnant. One budget.Buying house. baby.
AND were still married! woot woot!
A lot of those things can really cause stress on a marriage and yet by the Grace of God Carl and I have gotten through.. and wanting to get through more together!

So we are thinking this next winter when lils is about 2 years well close to that we will go on a three day cruise down by mexico.
Im worried about leaving lils with someone.. But carl's sister is wonderful with her and so is Hanna Tweed.. so we were thinking of just having them house sit and take care of lils. :)
This is SO up in the air I am just really excited cause it was Carl's idea!
SERIOUSLY!
yay! so my choice is obviously to Cruise! but we shall see if all the ducks line up! :) Hoping!

Santa and Baking and Decorating

8 days till Christmas!
WOOT
Also so much to do! I still have some wrapping a couple gifts to get.. sheesh
I am never ever this behind in Christmas to do stuff!
Anyhoo we took lils to see santa.. she did wonderful with him! no crying and loved it!
I also did some baking cause I have not made christmas cookies this year.. and I still have not made fudge..
Just try and guess what my new years resolution shall be haha
I also finally finished my advent calendar so I am excited to show you!